As a parent, you’ve probably seen it: your teen or young adult comes home from school, closes their door, and dives into a solo hobby for hours. Maybe it’s gaming, drawing, or deep-diving into a favorite topic. You might wonder—shouldn’t they be spending more time with friends?
A new systematic review of research on autistic adolescents’ sense of belonging (Gies, Duncan, Stough, et al., 2025) gives us some important answers. The takeaway is simple but powerful: it’s not just about having social skills—it’s about feeling like you truly belong.
What the Research Found
Here are a few highlights that really stood out to me:
Teens in the studies spent more time in solitary hobbies than with friends.
When they did connect socially, their families were the most reliable source of support.
Spending time with friends was linked to better well-being and less loneliness.
But here’s the surprising part: having more “polished” social skills didn’t always mean teens felt better—it could actually be linked to lower well-being.
When asked what belonging meant, teens talked about being respected, accepted, understood, and welcomed.
In other words, what really matters isn’t just whether they can hold a conversation or make eye contact—it’s whether they feel safe, authentic, and connected when they do.
What This Means for Parents
This research confirms something many of you already know in your gut: pushing social skills without belonging doesn’t work. Your teen or young adult doesn’t just need strategies — they need spaces where they can be themselves and be valued.
Here are a few ways you can support that at home:
1. Value their hobbies.
If your teen or young adult is most comfortable in a solo interest, that’s not wasted time. It’s their way of recharging and building confidence. Look for ways that hobby can become a bridge to connection—like online groups, clubs, or even sharing it with family.
2. Prioritize quality over quantity.
One or two genuine friendships can mean more than a dozen surface-level acquaintances. Help them nurture the relationships where they feel most understood.
3. Talk openly about belonging.
Ask questions like: “Where do you feel most like yourself?” or “Who do you feel really gets you?” These conversations validate their experiences and give you insight into what supports them best.
4. Recognize the cost of masking.
If your teen or young adult feels like they have to hide their authentic self to fit in, it’s exhausting. Encourage spaces where they can drop the mask and still feel included.
5. Be their safe base.
The review found families are the most consistent source of belonging. That means you matter more than you might think. Even small moments of listening, encouraging, or sitting quietly together can reinforce that sense of home as a place of acceptance.
Our Approach at IRL Social Skills
At IRL Social Skills, this research reinforces what we already believe: we’re not here to create “perfect” social performers. We’re here to create spaces where teens can practice, grow, and connect—without losing themselves in the process.
Our programs center belonging by:
Building community among teens and young adults with shared experiences
Using interest-based activities instead of forced small talk
Talking openly about masking, friendship, and acceptance
Partnering with parents to extend that sense of belonging beyond the classroom
Because at the end of the day, it’s not about checking boxes on a social skills chart. It’s about helping your teen or young adult find places, and people, where and with whom they truly belong.