On Tyranny, Lesson 12: Make Eye Contact and Small Talk
Yesterday saw a mass mobilization — No Kings Day — a peaceful protest against the Trump regime and its attempt to eliminate the three co-equal branches of government and impose authoritarianism on the United States in violation of the US Constitution.
What does this have to do with social skills?
Friends, family and strangers stood shoulder to shoulder to exercise their first amendment rights to freedom of speech and peaceful assembly — an action as American as apple pie. We the people did this, despite the fear of white supremacist paramilitias and other bad actors coming to our demonstrations, because we do not want to see our neighbors hauled off by ICE, or Medicaid slashed, or the normalization of online propaganda masquerading as truth.
At the end of a long walk and a long day of initiating conversations in an intergenerational sea of diverse people who share a common interest — the restoration and creation of a governmental system of, by, and for the people, not a dictatorship — I settled down in the late afternoon sun to sip a glass of wine and read On Tyranny: Twenty Lessons From the Twentieth Century by Timothy Snyder. A former professor and lauded historian at Yale University, he moved to the University of Toronto after the 2024 election, where is now a chair in the Munk School of Global Affairs and Public Policy.
A powerful and concise 126 pages that fits in the pocket of my cargo pants, lesson 12 stood out:
12. Make eye contact and small talk.
“This is not just polite. It is part of being a citizen and a responsible member of society. It is also a way to stay in touch with your surroundings, break down social barriers, and understand whom you should and should not trust. If we enter a culture of denunciation, you will want to know the psychological landscape of your daily life.
Tyrannical regimes arose at different times and places in the Europe of the twentieth century, but memoirs of their victims all share a single tender moment…people who were living in fear of repression remembered how their neighbors treated them. A smile, a handshake, or a word of greeting—banal gestures in a normal situation—took on great significance. When friends, colleagues, and acquaintances looked away or crossed the street to avoid contact, fear grew. You might not be sure, today or tomorrow, who feels threatened in the United States. But if you affirm everyone, you can be sure that certain people will feel better.
In the most dangerous of times, those who escape and survive generally know people whom they can trust. Having old friends is the politics of last resort.
And making new ones is the first step toward change.”
You see, social skills are imperative to building a better world. They involve getting out of one’s comfort zone, and into one’s growth zone. Believe it or not, I am an introvert — I need a lot of alone time, and I have a small circle of trusted friends I’ve known for decades. However, these times have pushed me to expand my social circle — and to use the skills we teach in our program to help initiate, cultivate, and sustain these new relationships.
In fact — as one looks over all twenty of the lessons in On Tyranny — the majority of them are social skills.
Our relationships with each other are the real social security. Exchange pleasantries with your neighbors. Give compliments to people whose dog or fashion sense you admire. Add books to the free libraries, and canned goods to the food pantries. Put out a FREE stand in your front yard for the excess fruit and vegetables from your garden. Share. Stay regulated, feel your feelings, and wish goodness on those who have let the propaganda and lack of empathy for others overtake their discernment.
Connect with others in an analog manner — off social media, live, over a cup of coffee or a walk in the park to enjoy the expansion of summer. Laugh, sing, dance, enjoy art together. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. When you push yourself, you go somewhere. Make a difference, and in the process — new friends.